Oh, my friends, I advise you to sit down if you aren’t already sitting, for what I must report will surely make you lightheaded with grief. But the truth must out, and so out it I will. Friends, I am heartbroken to tell you that a certain fabulous lady whose name I won’t mention named SARAH MLYNOWSKI, who killed my beautiful PaJants unicorn!!!!!!
Yes, tis true. After wearing the PaJants, I added my own special decorative touch to them, just as Julia DeVillers did before sending them to me.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
And then, good girl that I am, I sent them to the next lucky wearer, the afore unnamed Sarah Mlynowski. She wore them, and she was GOR-JUICE!
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
And then what did that BAD GIRL do?!!! She went home and WASHED them, and now my beautiful unicorn–sniff, sniff–has flown away into the ether. Or more likely into Sarah’s dryer fluff, which is probably quite sparkly now.
But to return to the point: Sarah washed the PaJants, completely disregarding the #1 rule of the PaJants, a rule we gently borrowed from Ann Brashares‘ beloved series The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.* And what is that first cardinal rule? Say it with me, dear readers: YOU MUST NEVER WASH THE PANTS.
Yes, it is gross. Yes, it strains the imagination to believe that the pants in the series were truly never washed during their whole four year tenure. BUT WHATEVER. The PaJants did not come to me all stinky, and *I* certainly did not stink up the PaJants.
It leads one to believe that a certain unnamed Sarah Mlynowski must pack quite a stench, hmmmm? Or perhaps she scarfed down a delish black bean burrito before slipping into the PaJants? OR PERHAPS E. LOCKHART (who was with her) MADE HER LAUGH SO HARD THAT SHE LET A TEENY LITTLE BIT OF PEE OUT IN THE PAJANTS?!!!
We will never know. All we can ever know is that Sarah is a naughty naughty lamb chop, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would go to her Facebook page and tell her so.
Now I must go eat great amounts of chocolate in a no doubt vain attempt to ease my pain.
Fare thee well,
Lauren
*Ann! If you are out there, we would all LOVE to have you participate in the Twitterhood of the Butt-Lifting PaJants, especially since we know that YOU would follow the rules!
